


You Never See Hawkeye Coming

by wonker8



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint is a bird, Gen, OC alert, meant to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 22:32:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1834567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonker8/pseuds/wonker8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Smith is determined to go down in history as the man who defeated the Avengers.</p><p>It's just... he never expected Hawkeye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Never See Hawkeye Coming

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mystiere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystiere/gifts).



> So a long time ago, when I was still working on Avengers stuff, YummyBaconOfDoom asked me to write a bird!Clint. I had the idea, I started writing it, and then I got sidetracked. So it took me a really long time, but here it is finally!
> 
> For YummyBaconOfDoom. I'm so sorry that this took so long. I hope that you still enjoy it!

Defeat the Avengers.

It’s a pipe dream, really. Defeat the who? Surely you don’t mean the group of people who stopped a frigging alien invasion?

So it makes perfect sense when he brings that up to people, everyone bursts out laughing. It’s completely understandable. If the situation was reversed, he would laugh, too. But the situation is not reversed, and he does not find this funny.

“I’m going to do it!” he yells at them. “Just you watch! I’m going to find their weakness and exploit it!”

It just makes them all laugh harder.

*

Hello, very nice to meet you. His name is John Smith.

Oh alright, alright. Laugh. Snigger. After all, what kind of supervillain has such a lame name like John Smith? Certainly not the one who is going to destroy the world. Or take over it. Or even rob a bank properly. No, that’s not speaking from real life experience. That bank was rigged anyways.

But just you wait. He’s going to go down in history. He is determined. Nothing’s going to stop him, not even the trifling mocking that he listens to everyday. So what if his name is lame? That’s what alias is for, anyways. And there’s nothing quite like Cobalt with its magnetisms and atomic numbers to describe him (he’s bit of a nerd, you see). 

Besides, given a few years, everyone will fear his name! 

…

Okay, maybe not “John Smith,” but Cobalt is a fearsome name, isn’t it? His mother said so and he isn’t going to argue with the woman who gave birth to him. What? You think he’s stupid or something?

I mean, sure, he’s trying to defeat the Avengers, but you don’t have to be stupid to have that goal. I mean, look at Loki! 

“So what would you say is the reason why you lost against them?” he asks Loki, who is staring at him with a look that seems to scream, “Who the hell are you and how the hell did you get past the All-Father’s security?”

“Well?” John prompts.

Loki finally gets rid of his shocked expression and replaces it with a disdained one. “Oh,” he says finally. “That.”

“Yes that. Why did you lose?”

The God of Mischief crosses his arms and look at John carefully. “What does it matter to you?”

“I’m going to defeat the Avengers,” John answers honestly.

Loki stares disbelievingly at John for a second before laughing out loud. When he notices that John is not laughing, he pauses. “Wait. Are you saying that that wasn’t a Midgardian joke? Strange, I could have sworn all the pieces were there for one…”

John twitches with anger, but he forces it down. That’s not the purpose he’s come all the way to Asgard for. He needs to get the necessary information.

“So why did you lose to the Avengers?”

“You’re persistent,” Loki drawls, a small scowl twitching at his lips. “If you must know, it was because I wasn’t all that interested in taking over Midgard.” Loki sniffs and crosses his arms. “The Avengers didn’t stop me, I let them do so.”

John rolls his eyes. “Okay, fine. So you weren’t defeated. But if you had to go against them and you really wanted to defeat them, how would you fight?”

Loki thinks carefully about that. “First, destroy the group morale by bringing down the monster. Then shut down the Ironman. He’s the heart of the group; without him, they won’t be able to operate fully. After that is the dear old Captain. The Widow is easily shut down afterwards. And then I shall torture my brother for not being able to save them.”

John counts on his fingers the number of the members that Loki mentioned. He frowns. “But that’s only five. There are six of them, aren’t there?”

The God of Mischief glares at John. “Don’t remind me of Hawkeye. He’s… unexpected. You just never see Hawkeye coming and you can never fight him.”

“Then how are you going to win? As long as Hawkeye is around, then you can never win, right?” John points out.

“OUT!” Loki snaps. “OUT!”

And before the God of Mischief snaps him in half (or the Asgardian security guards comes after him), John rushes out of Asgard.

*

Few days later, John finds himself in the middle of a Supervillain Convention, talking to others who have fought against the Avengers before.

“Ah, they’re interesting bunch,” someone says. “Cool and stuff. But damn. I didn’t expect Hawkeye.”

“I hear you! That Hawkeye,” another person says, shaking his head. “That damned Hawkeye.”

“What do you mean?” John asks them, but they’ve already moved away, talking to one another about how this “Hawkeye” has ruined their success. It just doesn’t add up. In a team consisting of a God, a Supersoldier, a raging monster, a genius billionaire, and a super-assassin SHIELD agent, this person called “Hawkeye” is somehow the person that’s destroying people’s plans? Why is that?

Seeing that everyone who’s fought against the Avengers kept their mouth shut and everyone else seems to know as much as he does, John finally gives up. After all, this isn’t the only source of information he has.

*

Normal people would have a hard time finding a SHIELD uniform to use to sneak into SHIELD base. John, however, isn’t normal. He is, after all, Cobalt (by that, he means he’s a nerd). It takes five days of phone calls, three of preparation, and fifteen of working up the nerve to walk into the base. But after all of that, he finds himself walking through the hallways of SHIELD, looking around nervously.

“Ah, you must be a new recruit,” an agent says as he walks up to John. “You’re in the wrong place, pal. You need to go to the auditorium.”

“Before I go, sir,” John says quickly. “Can you tell me about Hawkeye?”

The agent pales and points towards the auditorium. “Shush! Do you want his attention? Hurry and go.”

John raises a brow. Interesting reaction…

*

The orientation for SHIELD recruits is terrifying to sit through. First, there’s the legendary Nick Fury glaring at everyone, making a speech that drives fear and pride into heart of any will-be-SHIELD agents. Then there’s Maria Hill, whose swift and simple speech makes John fear for his family jewel for being a mole. They mention something about Agent Coulson still recovering in the medical with thin lips and annoyances, but John doesn’t really get that, so he ignores it.

“So… when do we do something fun?” someone whispers next to John.

“You there!” Maria Hill barks, pointing at John, who is staring at her like a frightened rabbit. This is it, he realizes with a start. He’s going to die here and no one will know. And he will die in shame with a SHIELD uniform on instead of his Cobalt costume his mother sewed for him and-

“Lead the rest of the group to Sitwell in the Training Grounds. The next part of the Orientation will resume there.”

John glances around, everyone’s eyes are on him. He nods dimly. “Ah… Thi… This…” Oh, did he forget to mention that he has a weak-stomach when it comes to leading or being put in the spotlight? He didn’t, did he? Because he just slumps over right there and there in the middle of SHIELD auditorium.

*

The world swirls slowly until it finally comes to focus. John is lying in a cot in a white room. Medical. They brought him to medical? But he’s their enemy!

Oh right. He’s undercover right now.

“You’re finally awake,” says a voice.

John looks over and spots a thin man with equally thin smile on his face. The other man is on the other cot in the room, and he looks genuinely surprised that John is there.

“Hello,” John says cautiously.

“Coulson,” the other man explains. “New recruit?”

“Something like that. I’m John.” So this is the Coulson that they mentioned in the Orientation. That’s odd. Why is he here? The man looks pretty healthy, except for the IV attached to him. So perhaps this is where the not so serious injured people come? He voices his thought, watching as the other man continues to smile thinly. 

"That’s classified. But I suppose there’s no harm in telling you that I’m on the mend. I should be back up and running by the time you’re instated…” He pauses. “If you’re staying, that is?”

John laughs nervously. “Ah… I’m… probably not going to,” he admits. Hey, so what if he’s undercover? It’s intimating to lie to someone to their face! So if he doesn’t have to, he’d prefer not to. 

Agent Coulson’s eyes narrow and John feels a shudder down his spine. “If you’re not sure, then why are you here?” 

“Well…” What he’s supposed to say? What’s he supposed to do? “I heard of Hawkeye. And well… I was inspired, you know?”

There’s a small pause before Agent Coulson’s eyebrow rises up. “You were inspired by Hawkeye. Not Captain America, not Ironman, not Thor. But _Hawkeye_?!”

“No one expects Hawkeye?” John points out. It sounds more like a question than anything serious, but it seems to pacify the other man.

The Agent nods a little. “That’s very true. Not many people expect him. But I am rather surprised. You must have quite an open mind if you’ve taken Hawkeye as an inspirational figure. Not to mention pretty sharp to have figured out who Hawkeye is…”

…? Say what?

“I’m… not sure I follow.”

“If you’re going to be leaving, then I don’t think it’ll be necessary for me to tell you,” Coulson says.

And damn, John can’t seem to come up with a good reason to argue against that. So he’s about to give up and walk away when the doors open and a terrified looking agent walks into the room.

“Coulson!” the agent shouts, flailing in a manner that John could relate to. “Coulson! You have to do something! It’s Hawkeye!”

There’s a soft sigh and Coulson pulls the IV out of his arm. He motions for John to follow him. “Might as well,” he says, almost off-handedly. “You’ll get to see the mighty Hawkeye in action.”

John’s suddenly not sure if this is a good idea.

*

John walks right behind Coulson, hanging onto the man’s tidy suit. He gets the feeling that he’s annoying the guy, but surely the agent understands, right? This is John’s first time undercover and he doesn’t do so well in pressure-inducing roles!

Then Coulson suddenly stops and holds out his hand as if to silence the silent followers. He glances around with seriousness that sends anxiety down John’s spine. Could this be it? He’s going to die now in SHIELD uniform without ever using his code name. How is anyone going to remember him as a brave villain who brought down the Avengers?

“Can you get off me? It’s annoying,” Coulson snaps. He shakes John loose. “Stand there and-”

And that’s when it happens.

Something swoops down from the ceiling. For a brief second, John thinks that it’s a bat. Then the moment passes and he scolds himself for thinking something so stupid. Of course it’s not a bat. Why would there be a bat in the hallways of SHIELD headquarters? Then he realizes that no, that’s a stupid question. Of course, there’s a bat in the hallways of SHIELD headquarters. This is SHIELD! What didn’t they have?

“Damn it, Hawkeye!” Coulson snaps. “Stand down!”

John thinks he spotted a feather for a second. But the second’s over and they’re left alone in an empty hallway. Coulson lets out a tired sigh but the frustration from before is nowhere to be seen. He holds out his hand and says (in a coaxingly sweet voice), “Don’t get like that. Come down here and meet John here. He says he’s a fan of yours.”

John perks up. Hawkeye? He’s going to finally meet the great Hawkeye? The unexpected Hawkeye? He feels his lips tug up into a wide smile as he watches Coulson’s movement carefully.

And with a flutter of wings, John stares in disbelief at the sight that greets him. A small sparrow, small enough that John suspects that he might be able to completely encompass that bird with one hand, chirps and lands on one of Coulson’s outstretched fingers. It flutters its wings and looks at John expectedly.

“Uh…” John answers.

“This is Hawkeye,” Coulson says with a smile. John doesn’t want to think about it, but the agent sound… _proud_. 

“Hello, I’m John,” John says. Then kicks himself for being stupid. What’s he doing? Why is he politely holding a conversation with a bird, of all things?

The bird chirps. John has absolutely no idea what that means, but it must have been bad, because it makes Coulson frown.

“Is everything okay?” John asks nervously.

“Hm? Yes, yes. Of course. It’s just…” Coulson sounds distracted as he listens carefully to the chirpings of the bird.

“Just…?” John prods. Half of him feels like maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe he should’ve started running. But he’s kind of curious now. What’s the bird saying? And how does Coulson know how to speak bird?

“According to Hawkeye here, you’re actually a villain in disguise,” Coulson says with an amused smile. “Hilarious, no?”

John looks back at Coulson like a robber caught by a spotlight. The agent seems to read something on John’s face that he doesn’t realize that he’s showing. And few things happen all at once in the next breath. One, John spins on his heels and tries to run. Two, Coulson pulls out a comm device and tries to contact people. Three, Hawkeye spreads his wings and go flying into the air. 

And as John makes his dashing escape, the small bird swoops down and begins to attack his head. John gets scratched and pecked at, but he doesn’t slow down. He can’t afford to get caught. And maybe, just maybe, he can bring down the Hawkeye like this and-

He runs into the corridor wall. Who put this here? He could’ve sworn that it wasn’t there just a second ago…

Before he can regain his senses, he hears a click. It’s not a click of a gun, thank god. It’s more of a click of a handcuff locking into place (he should know; this is a sound that he knows very well). John looks down at his hands, which has been handcuffed together. He looks up to the frowning faces of Coulson and other agents that he’s never seen before. And chirping sweetly is Hawkeye, who’s casually perched on John’s handcuffed hands.

“I’m screwed, aren’t I?”

Hawkeye’s chirps sound like laughter.

*

“Hey Cobalt, haven’t seen you in a while!” 

John immediately tenses at the usage of his name. Oh gods, oh gods, he’s come so far to get rid of the association that came with that name, who is it that’s found him? He glances back and sees one of his old colleagues. Oh gods, oh gods. John begins to search around desperately, making sure that there aren’t any trees or video cameras watching him. Can't be too careful. The agency might be watching or worse, that bird might be nearby.

“No,” he says, his voice a high pitch squeak. “I’m not Cobalt. Cobalt’s not here. I’m just a normal human being. Please leave me alone.”

His colleagues frown, half of them looking concerned and the other half looking curious. “What happened?” someone asks. “Weren’t you going to defeat the Avengers?”

John squawks before trying to cover it up with nervous laughter. “Haha… Me? Defeat? No, no. You’ve gotten me confused with someone else. I’m just a normal person. I’m normal. I have nothing to do with that world.”

The group looks confused, but they don’t push it. Instead, they just sigh softly and shake their heads. And as they walk away, John can hear the soft whispers of, “Must’ve been Hawkeye. You never see him coming.”


End file.
